I will be – Christina Aguilera – And lyrics (very powerful)

What do YOU want to spend your day doing?

This is, to me, a very simple yet powerful question.  “What do you want to spend your day doing?” hit me like a brick and caused me to re evaluate how I spend my time, and ultimately my life. It might sound strange but often the link between how we spend our time is NOT always thought of as being related to how we spend our life.

So, when this question arose for me, I started to ponder how every hour is valuable, every moment is valuable, because ultimately they all add up to the moments that create our life.

If this sounds too simplistic, then think about how many hours go by every day where we feel bored, or we waste time, we hold grudges, we watch rubbish TV, we gossip about people, because we have lost that connection between that day, that hour, that moment and the meaning of our life. (By the way I am not knocking anyone, we are ALL only human).

When I decided a while back to start writing for one hour a day. I did it because I knew it was something I enjoyed, yet it still took commitment to integrate it into my daily schedule, it was a challenge.  Soon enough though, writing every day day turned into a regular practise and it is now something I spend my life doing. I started writing because I asked myself the question, what do I want to spend my day doing? I also started coaching because I asked myself that same powerful question? My answer was that I want to spend at least a couple of hours a day motivating someone and inspiring someone to change their life. What I now spend my days doing makes my whole life richer and more authentic.  See how this question translates into a much wider experience?

This same question also helps me with my time management. It’s stops me from staring into space or aimlessly surfing the web for 15 minutes after a call before I transition to my next task. Because I know that 15/20 minutes a day spent doing something I want to do/enjoy will enrich my life as a whole. I am now committed to creating a better structure for my day, because I know that the same question, “What do you want to spend your day doing?” Is a whole lot more than just a question. It’s thought provoking, perspective shifting, empowering and motivating all at the same time!

I take time to think about the reasons behind why I spend my time doing certain things, why I want to get up 15 minutes earlier each day to catch up on the news, meditate, whatever. Because it all boils down to what I want to spend my day doing,  and can you really get any more empowering than that?

Part one of who hires a life coach: Actors

I have decided to start a series of posts outlining the reasons for choosing a life coach for people involved in certain occupations. Life coaching is exactly what it says, it’s simply coaching people through life.  Therefore the challenges that each individual goes through is bound to cross over and be similar to that of another human being, regardless of their occupation.

Nevertheless there are definitely certain aspects of each occupation which may holds it’s challenge. For example, a wall street banker’s main challenge may be difficulty finding a work life balance due to the long hours he/she works. A young doctor may be focused on finding a better technique for switching off from stress when he/she gets home. My aim here is to discuss the main, notorious challenges certain people in certain industries could potentially go through, and how hiring a coach to support you could help you find mechanisms to overcome these typical issues.

First, lets concentrate on actors, well known for hiring coaches. Whilst the outside world may argue, why hire a coach? Surely an actor has a great deal of confidence otherwise they wouldn’t be in the industry right? Wrong!!!! Whilst yes, an actor may have a bunch of confidence on stage, Iwould say that their self esteem is probably put to the test more than any other profession. Imagine spending days and days going for auditions only to get told you are wrong for the role over and over again. That would exert some serious ego bashing to even the most confident of actors.

In this instance, a life coach can provide many sources of support. It would depend on the individual but there are many tools are good life coach could use to make sure self esteem doesn’t hit an all time low. Particularly during the more challenging times for an actor:

Some examples are:

• Dealing with anxiety about auditions
• Developing self belief
• Finding out what motivates an actor and keeping that in the forefront of their mind when the going gets tough
• Helping them figure out their values, what they truly want in life, what is their mission? What do they stand for? When a person has a strong understanding of who they are and where they want to get to they will be less likely to give up during tough times
• Using a creative process model to help them understand where they are in the process of reaching their goal
• Role plays – switching roles with the coach can be very powerful and can help switch perspective
• Work with them in exploring limiting beliefs, encourage them to be really honest with themselves about who they are. This will also help bring their acting skills to a whole new level.

Finally, a great coach will encourage an actor to constantly push their boundaries, to test their limits and beliefs about who they are and what they can achieve. Coaching can be a wonderful gift for actors and when they see changes in themselves, this will always bring about positive changes in their professional career.

To end on a positive note, I heard a fellow coach say today ” Motivation is like a shower, it’s something you have to renew every day”. A great coach will do this for you on the days when you forget to turn on the shower, and lets face it, we all have those days.

The creative process model

For those of you who attempt anything that requires a creative mindset, I urge you to refer to the creative process model. The five stages it outlines, that apparently we go through as we bring a project/idea to life, will give you tremendous support and trust as you move through the process.

If you have ever experienced the frustration that comes with seeing a project through from start to finish, the creative process model will open your eyes to the reasons behind such frustration, The model simply views these feelings as a sign that you are moving out of your old beliefs and habits, and are about to enter a new realm of thinking that will open up new ideas and let your creativity flow.

I must say that discovering this model has been a real comfort for me, and now I don’t think I will ever start any creative endeavour without it. From my personal experience, and experience with coaching my clients, the period of frustration/confusion can often be so intense that many people give up at this point and go back to their comfort zone. However, with an understanding of the way our mind works, and the resistance we can meet with when breaking into something new, we can learn to trust in this creative process and move more effortlessly into what is referred to as the “incubation” stage, the next stage of the process. This is the time to take a break, go out with friends, go for a walk, all whilst the work you put in beforehand is being processed in your mind.

I think that when we start to see creativity, or the manifestation of an idea into reality, as a process as a whole, rather than something that is merely something that is planned, or sheduled, or compartmentalised as we would view an accounting spreadsheet, or working out the VAT or our tax refund. It seems that the creative process seeps into every aspect of our lives, once we set the ball rolling with it, our whole way of thinking and attitude towards it is involved. We could work on a spreadsheet for the next budget meeting whilst we are in a bad mood, or wondering what we are having for supper, and it maybe wouldn’t matter so much, (as long as we are still able to focus enough of course). But with creativity we need to create a space to put our heart and soul into it, and to be aware when ideas come into our consciousness.

I could write about this for hours, and may post more on this in the future. In the meantime it’s great that someone did come up with a model to give right brainers a real sense of logic and structure, and something to support us through what often seems like a crazy roller coaster ride to manifesting our ideas.

Whilst we are on the subject of right brainers, I plan to be buying A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule The Future. I have heard great things about it, and as far as I can see, it will be another great reason for us to stick it out through that frustration stage and trust in the process ,without walking away and working on our tax report instead!

Also, if you are not sure if you are right brained or left brained, or you want to understand more about how each works, take the right brain, left brain test.

How losing my hearing changed my life

Many of you may know that I can’t hear anything in my left ear, I lost my hearing due to sudden hearing loss over two years ago. This means that I find it difficult being in crowded places, background music and voices seem to be amplified. This leaves me feeling disorientated. I can’t hear anything anyone standing on the left side of me says. I have to explain to people that I have difficulty hearing. Some people think I am joking, or they are embarrassed so they make a joke out of it. I don’t mind, I normally joke back because the people pleaser in me can tell they are embarrassed and I want to lessen their feelings.

Most of the time I do not even think about my hearing. It’s only when I am in a social place I tend to be more introverted than I used to be. I used to be more of a social animal. I was the one who would go out every night and be full of conversation and energy.  Now, I have trouble understanding what people are saying when I am in a bar or a restaurant. I have to concentrate more on lip reading and I often have to ask people to repeat what they said. I don’t tend to be so energetic or social in my replies because I often doubt that I fully understood what the person next to me said.  The funniest thing is that not many people even realise I have this challenge, it’s not a physical disability so people can’t relate to it. Often they may just go home having met me thinking that I am not as sharp, or as talkative as maybe I once was, or have the potential to be. I have even been referred to as aloof, and intellectually lazy.

Despite all this though, I have realised that it doesn’t matter what people think, I can’t always control people’s reactions towards me. I know what my real friends think, and I also know who my real friends are. The ones who take the time to remember to walk on my right side. The one’s who swap seats in a restaurant or on a bus with me so I can hear our conversation. The one’s who understand when I need to leave a bar and be in a quieter place because the music is too loud.

Despite all this, my priorities have changed. I have more quiet, quality time. I am filled with gratitude for my ability to still hear something. I realised that, for years I took my fully functioning body for granted. Now,I see every part of me as a blessing, I don’t take anything for granted any more, and I find happiness in simpler things. Once, the party girl, who needed to go clubbing and drink ten vodka’s to get a kick and call it a good night. Now, a walk by the beach or a home cooked dinner can make me happy.

So, whilst, lack of hearing can be a real frustration, there is a part of me that has shifted and changed for the better. A part of me that knows that life isn’t just about hearing, it’s about seeing and sensing, as well as following my intuition. It’s about realising that actually 90% of communication is non verbal, and that there are many other ways to get your message across other than the spoken, hearing word.

As we discover in life coaching, we can learn more about what is going on with a person often by what is not being said that what is being said. Sometimes we can also learn more about someone by their action or their non-action. Heard the phrase “Actions speak louder than words”? Moving away from the emphasis of what is being said, to more of a focus on behaviour and actions in real life, can reflect a person’s core beliefs, what drives their life (Or, their sacred contracts as Caroline Myss calls them).

So, losing my hearing opened up a whole new door for me, an instinct to explore ALL the ways in which you can learn about people. After all we are on this planet to to use all of our instincts and senses, we are complex individuals and we get our message across in many different ways. In a sense, losing my hearing opened up my mind to the richness of the ways in which we all portray ourselves to the rest of the world. So, you could say that life has become a whole lot more interesting for me since losing my hearing.

Ways to get out of your head and get a sense of perspective

There are many ways to clear your head when there is too much going on in there. Lets face it, we all experience days when we feel as though there is just too much going on in our head. Our workload can pile up and we don't know where to start, and after a few hours spent on the computer we can often feel foggy brained and lose our ability to prioritise and think clearly.

It's important for me to take regular walks outside to regain clarity and perspective. Sometimes I find that my ego starts creeping into my work. When I am tired and have been sat at my computer for too long, my head will become clogged up with stories telling me that I haven't done enough, or that I should have prioritised better today. It's then that I know I need to have a time out, a time away from my busy coaching business to get some space, let any negative thinking go, and remind myself that I am always doing the best I can.

Usually I will go for a walk on the beach, do some yoga, or listen to some of my favourite music. Whatever it is I choose to do, I know I will always come back to my work with a healthy attitide and a renewed sense of what I have truly accomplished. After "getting out of my head" and clearing the cobwebs as such, I usually am able to do my most creative work.

A great inspiration for me when it comes to finding balance and getting out of my head is Mariel Hemingway. She has found her own way of creating balance and perspective in her own life through yoga and walking, and I find her style of writing very personable.

Something to think about is what effect could clearing YOUR head every day have on your life?

Facing challenges may not be as hard as you imagine

I have been running the same 3 mile run most days for the past year or so now, and it’s just recently that I decided I needed to push myself further. The problem was that, when I got to the end of where I usually run to, what appeared ahead of me was a substantial hill that always seemed too much to tackle. So I would always turn back around again and head back home.  This was until two days ago when I had the urge to tackle something new, I decided that next time I went running I would keep going up the hill about another mile up to the next hotel. I felt hesitant and unsure of my capability but I was still determined to push myself out of my comfort zone.

When the time came and I approached the hill it turned out I was so busy experiencing the sunshine and just enjoying my run, that I got to the top of the hilll without even thinking about it. I then carried on and realised how great it was to run towards a different place and experience a different view. The view from the hotel I ran to was breath taking and I then realised that, although I had been enjoying my daily run, I was still experiencing the same surroundings every day and I wasn’t giving myself the opportunity to run towards somewhere different. I felt happy that my experience had shifted and, as a result, my mind seemed to open more that day. I arrived back home feeling more energised with a new sense of perspective.

The next day it came to me that this recent experience was a true metaphor for life. Certain challenges can seem like big hurdles at the time, and fear can often keep us stuck and overwhelmed by the prospect of change. Yet often actually “just doing it” isn’t nearly has hard as you imagined, and there are always new lessons and experiences to be learned. It’s a typical example of FEAR – False Evidence Appearing as Reality. I looked at this hill and turned around every day and stayed in my comfort zone because I convinced myself I was doing ok where I was, and running up the hill would cause too much pain. The fact is, I WAS happy with my daily run, but now I am even happier for challenging myself. I am feeling fitter and I have learnt how strength does appear when you believe in yourself.

How could you use this story to face challenges and create positive change in your life?

If only I could… I ‘d make the world a better place……You Can!!!

Sat here listening to “If only I could…… I’d make this world a better place” by Wendy Mathews. Ok, not exactly my choice but it just happens to be on my friends i pod. This song however inspired me to write this blog as this is what so many of us think today, we want the world to be a better place but somehow we think it’s out of our grasp. Often we are idealists who have resigned ourselves to apathy when it comes to taking steps to making the world around us the way we want it to be. Many of us, myself included, have been guilty of not realising how short our life is here on this planet, how little time time we to give our gift, our contribution to the world. 

A real start is to believe that who we are DOES make a difference. Our beliefs, choices, actions ALWAYS make a difference. That’s why I love the idea of paying it forward, of doing something random and kind for someone just for the hell of it. 

A friend the other night was stressed because she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life. I told her that I don’t know what I want to do with my life, many people don’t know, or they are pretending and hoping that the thing they are pretending to do will become the thing they really want to do, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But what I am trying to say is, does it matter? I myself am not sure if it does matter any more, that’s why I am coaching people and writing about life, because I know that somewhere along my journey I am helping people create amazing lives for themselves, and that might not be what I necessarily ultimately want to do with my life, but for the time being it sure makes me feel good, and the more of us there are that feel good in this world, well….. won’t that be making the world a better place?

What can you do today to make this world a better place? Even if it’s just feeling good, someone will be feeling the benefits I guarantee.  :)

Making friends with your fear

Most us us will have experienced fear at some points in our life, particularly if you have challenged yourself to move out of your comfort zone.

Fear can paralyze us and keep us stuck in the same situation for years.  Fear can provide us with reasons to stay in an unhappy relationship, a toxic job or any situation which, if you were honest with yourself you would rather not be in.  Fear can make us reason that it is better for us to stay safe in our comfort zone, it leads us to live in a world of what if’s. what if this happens? What if that happens? Until ultimately you decide that, whilst you are miserable, you are better off staying put rather than moving forward into the unknown.

The problem with letting your fear dictate you in this way is that you eventually end up feeling like a fraud in your own life. Staying stuck means you are not telling the truth to yourself, the truth about what you really deserve in your life. This can lead to apathy, resentment, disconnection, depression and all sorts of emotions because you just aren’t aligning your life with the real, authentic you. You need to take control of your fear, rather than letting fear take control of you.

There are many ways in which you can take control your own fear:  Fear is essentially FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING AS REALITY. Fear is not not real, it is a projection of some event or emotion into the future which you are imagining. The thing that you are fearing really may never happen!  It’s just your inner critics way of pointing out things that could go wrong. 

I don’t think we ever fully escape fear, but the more changes you make in your life the more used you get to having fear rear it’s head. If you can accept that your fear is there and not give it any significance, just say hello to it, make friends with it, be comfortable with it being there without listening to it, you can move forward without fear being an obstacle.

So, face your fear, find out where it really comes from, why it is there, what part of you and your belief system is creating this fear? Take a pen and paper and write down your fears. Then observe how the simple act of writing down your worst fears helps relax your mind and body.

Even the simple act of saying “I am scared” and then doing it anyway, can help dissipate your fear.

How will you make friends with your fear today?

Bicycle city

 

Celebration - a great candidate for bicycle living

 

Do you have a vision of downsizing and moving to a city where the air is clean, you can cycle or walk to work, and there is a real feel of community?

I think many of us across the western world are feeling the same way. We don’t quite know how it got that way but our lives have just become so hectic and we want to slow down and live a slower paced life.

I was so excited to stumble upon www.bicyclecity.com where a real collective vision is coming alive.  It’s clear that there is a real rebellion against what I would call “disconnected living”, where things have become so busy you feel disconnected from true self and those around you.  I think people want to feel as though they are living their day, as opposed to it living them groundhog style.

Bicycle living seems to be about maintaining a healthy lifestyle more than anything else.  The concept of walking/cycling to work is much more appealing than sitting in a traffic jam for two hours a day, or taking the underground.  It’s a solution to the growing obesity/diabetes that it developing globally, and a recognition that these health issues are a direct result of lifestyle.

Bicycle living advocates having organic food shops nearby, and farms so that children grow up to know where their food has come from.

Anyone who accuses this community of being idealistic has truly forgotten that probably 50 or so years ago this was the norm, idealism didn’t come into it.   It’s the same as people who have told me that they don’t believe in organic!  Organic is purely the way things were actually not that long ago.  The way I see it we haven’t developed a new norm, we have just sidestepped from the norm as a result of globalisation and other factors.  A collective vision like bicycle city is our intuitive way of moving back to a natural way of living.

I think it’s even possible for us to implement this vision into cities.  I think the biggest challenge would be London, it would be possible.  Anything is possible if the vision is kept alive.